if i can run in heels then i can drive
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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