that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
