Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
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