Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
