I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
my vag is so smooth its legendary
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
