i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
i've created a new STD.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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