Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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