I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
