The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
