Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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