i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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