Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
