For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
