Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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