So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
