you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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