you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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