mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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