my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize