I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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