just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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