And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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