Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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