A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
