my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
