I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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