i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
