You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i wish my penis had a tongue
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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