Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
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We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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