i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
