Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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