dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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