we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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