but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
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