I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
