He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
