I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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