Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
