I'm laying in your front yard are you home
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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