Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
