i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
