16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
