so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
