she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
