I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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