you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
