i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
