Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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