guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Pants are for mortals
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
