im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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