Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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