I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
