Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
