i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
