A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
