Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
