Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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