this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
