I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
