return my video game
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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