What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
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vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Dear god my vagina.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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