oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
