She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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