My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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