Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
