Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
there is glitter all over my balls
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
