I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize