Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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