we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
