I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Randomize
