Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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