At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
