suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
