let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
