I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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