i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Randomize
