Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
